By Helen Dennis, LA Daily News
This month marks 13 years of the Successful Aging column. That means it’s once again time to ask, “What have I learned from our readers?” The answer is, a lot.
Queries have varied, spanning over 30 categories, from falls and driving to grief, ageism, language, scams, employment, hearing aids, encore careers, attitude and more. The column now reaches 1.3 million readers and appears in nine newspapers published by the Los Angeles News Group.
Here are some prevalent themes:
LANGUAGE
A reader with a critical eye was ticked off when he read in a local publication that “an elderly man” was rescued from a San Pedro cliff. The man was 56 years old. The term “senior” always creates discussion. A reader defined “senior” as “a person with one foot in the grave.” An affectionate substitute came from the mouth of a child unable to say elderly. It came out “olderly.” Then there was “chronologically gifted,” and the 77-year-old man who wrote that he didn’t care what people called him: “Words don’t matter since I know who I am.”
FALL PREVENTION ADVICE
A woman who fell on a bumpy sidewalk is considering taking her daily 3-mile walk in the street. (Please be careful.) Another gave stairway advice: Keep one arm free and use a fanny pack or shoulder bag.
MANNERS
A reader complained about the lack of manners of young folks after a man in his 30s pushed her to get ahead while entering a movie theater. Her use of a cane did not deter him. Another reader suggested to blame his parents for not training him in the art of good manners.
CAREGIVING
An exhausted woman, the sole caregiver for her 93- and 96-year-old parents, was overwhelmed with demands. Her parents hated their twice-a-week help, resented the $120 it cost them and refused to go to an assisted-living facility. The reader was desperately looking for a support group. We found one in her community.
Another suggested I had overstated the possibility of elder abuse. A woman had visited her 91-year-old friend who has always been fastidiously neat. For this teatime visit, she was disheveled with uncombed hair. Additionally the caregiver refused to help the older woman pour tea for herself and the guest. I suggested looking for signs of elder abuse. A former social worker offered another perspective: “Elderly recipients of home services mistakenly (and often offensively) treat their care providers as their personal servants.” Good point, but not sure it explains all of the behavior.
A KEEN EYE
I wrote about a person in her 80s as one who was in her eighth decade. Wrong: That’s the ninth decade, as pointed out by several readers. Thanks for the catch that eluded me and my editor.
GENEROUS RESOURCE SHARING
Readers have suggested books, such as “Make New Friends and Live Longer,” the POLST (Physician Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment) at www.capolst.org, and an opportunity for a class on business and entrepreneurship at Marymount California University. Additionally, a reader reported that Realself.com, a plastic surgery online community, has seen a jump in grandmothers wanting to look younger.
COLUMNS SAVED, FORWARDED AND USED
An 85-year-old woman’s recently deceased husband had saved a column I wrote on what to do when someone dies. The widow asked for a copy since she couldn’t find the one he saved. Another reader sent the column on manners to her pastor — perhaps for a sermon?
I wrote about a reunion of six lifelong friends. One was missing. A woman in the San Fernando Valley read the column and realized her deceased father was the seventh. She subsequently contacted a group member. Columns also have been used by the Torrance Commission on Aging for general age-related information. I find myself using selected ones for students attending a new class I am teaching at USC.
Having been in the field of aging for 35 years with university teaching, writing books and chapters, conducting research, seminars and workshops and more, it is you the reader who keeps me informed — telling it like it is. For that, I am most appreciative.
So let’s plan to be together again this coming year. Thank you for sharing your challenges, victories and wisdom. I am honored to be part of your life. To the best of my ability, I will continue to provide you with the most recent information, research, resources and perspectives on aging. And occasionally, a bit of opinion and personal experience will be thrown in for good measure.
To each of you — good health, joy and successful aging.
Send email to Helen Dennis at helendenn@aol.com, or go to www.facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.